‘Can this marriage be saved’ is a question on the lips of many people who seem to be facing the breakdown of their relationship with their spouse. Divorce rates are rocketing and many people accept divorce as the natural end to a marriage, instead of expecting to be together until death parts them. In this climate, divorce is often the easy way out.
However, just the fact that you are asking ‘can this marriage be saved’ is already a very positive sign. Sadly, more and more people these days opt for divorce without even considering whether their marriage might be sustainable.
Even in the case of somebody who is very unhappy about the breakdown of their marriage, they often accept a divorce without question. You may even hear friends and family members advising you to forget it and move on. Do not listen to this advice until you are sure that there is really no chance of a future in your marriage.
Sadly, this is one of the biggest reasons for the increase in divorce rates over the past few years. Do you think that there were no affairs, arguments or other problems in marriages 20 years ago? No, marriage was just as difficult then as it is today. People just did not give up on their relationships so fast.
So can this marriage be saved? Well first, f you both want to save it, then your marriage is almost certainly recoverable. You will need to do some work with a counselor and perhaps accept being more honest and trusting of each other. You might need to work on feelings that have arisen because of an affair on one or both sides, or other issues. But as long as you encourage each other to put the marriage at the top of your list of priorities, you have every chance of succeeding.
If it seems that you are the only one who wants to save the marriage while your partner wants a divorce, you will have a harder task on your hands. But it is still possible.
You can remind your partner of the reasons that both of you should try to save the marriage. There may be children. And whatever problems the two of you have, the same problems are likely to come up again in your next relationships unless you treat this as an opportunity to work on them and solve them now.
Remind your partner that ‘starting over’ often just means getting a chance to repeat the same mistakes. There is no point in running away from problems in a marriage. Instead, see them as an opportunity to work together, learn and grow. If you can do this, you may end up with a happier and stronger marriage than you ever had before.
Finally, be careful not to attach too much importance to falling in love. Just because one of you has fallen in love with someone else does not mean that divorce and remarriage has to follow. Many people fall in and out of love regularly. Even if it seems revolutionary, consider accepting this without allowing it to destroy your marriage.
In the end, only you can answer the question ‘Can this marriage be saved’.